Four decades later, still standing and not as crazy

         

Published April 08. 2015 6:14PM

 

He was standing, looking at frames lined up on an end cap, a friend I had not seen in over 40 years. He looked older, but healthy and well kept. I was at the end of my workday, so I knew I looked like I had been tumble dried with a hay bale. First thought, you’re in a hurry to get home, say nothing, walk by. Second thought, who knows if you will ever see him again, take the time to say hi. I said hi.

 

Because aging four decades separated our interactions I introduced myself, using my maiden name (Munn) as a middle name, just in case he didn’t recognize me. (I’ve lost almost a hundred pounds since then, too). Why would he know me, I thought, I looked like my grandmother and he had never met her.

Only a few seconds of who-the-hell-is-this showed on his face and there it was, recognition and 40 years melted away. As we talked it was nice, and a little sad.

For the first few minutes we updated each other on our personal lives, he’s still a well-known local artist and I’m still, well, me. Our children are the age we were when we first met. I knew him as a hard drinking unknown painter, with a passion for boats and trains and having a good time. He knew me as a store owner, who worked and played too much. We were shop owners at the Black Swan Marina, (Between the Bridges now), during the mid to late 1970s. He had an artist’s studio and gallery overlooking the Connecticut River. I sold marine supplies and nautical gifts in the big store on the road-side.

Back then owning a business along the shoreline which caters to the Connecticut boating community was hard. That part hasn’t changed, gearing up each spring for a season that lasts only a few months is economically difficult and for the under-capitalized, near impossible.

As my artist friend and I began to reminisce we fell into the abyss that long lost friends almost always tumble into, discussing the people we knew who have passed away. I’ve learned that our impact on humanity is tenuous. He has one daughter, I have two, he’s a painter, I’m a writer. Those are our breadcrumbs through the forest of life.

We began to talk about our mutual friends (the living ones) and how they tuned out. Some were successful and some have let their lives melt away in a wasteful example of ignored opportunity.
It’s strange, that when you are young, some of the people you are closest too, end up being the exact opposite of someone you would want to even acknowledge as knowing once you mature. Maybe it’s because the common youthful endeavor of having fun clouds judgment. Though my artist friend and I were known for traveling in a crowd that had a good time, we were serious too. We had to be serious because we owned businesses. We had rent to pay plus reputations and commercial viability to maintain.

It was great to catch up and wonderful to know he’s still painting and maintaining his passion for trains. And that he is still married to a wonderful woman who is a beyond talented artist and teacher, illustrates his appetite for the straight and narrow. Forty years ago if you asked me if we’d still be around and successful four decades later, I probably would have laughed and ordered another round.
I’m glad I stopped and talked and reminisced. It was nice and yes, it was sad, but it was heartening too. Steve the artist and Carolynn the writer, still standing and not quite as crazy after all these years.

 

All winter we look forward to hearing Pop’s peepers

Published, March 18, 2015

 

This time of year my dad, Robert Munn Sr., one of the nicest guys you’d ever want to meet, loved seed catalogs. He’d be leafing through pages and pages of colorful advertisements to find just the right vegetables and flowers for his yard. From first planting, until the final turning of the soil in the fall, his garden was his life.

My father always wanted to be a farmer. As a little girl I remember Sunday rides to view country homes with farmland for my parents to buy. Until retirement, his job required a lot of travel and ultimately defeated the farm-dream. But standing amidst his tomato, cucumber and pepper plants, set back from the busy Post Road in East Lyme, he was like any other farmer dreaming of a lush harvest.

As the short days of winter began to lengthen, but were still wrapped in cold, he’d talk about the first sign of spring, and what lay under the soil, like a little kid talks about what will be  left under a decorated tree. As the last frost of winter would begin to soften the soil he’d begin to watch and listen for nature’s messages that winter was almost over and spring would soon be upon us. He believed those messages were first shown in the heady fragrance of damp soil and the sound of spring peepers.

Peepers, are little frogs that inhabit moist woodlands and wetlands in the eastern United States and Canada. In parts of Canada they are known as “tinkletoes” and “pink-winks” and on Martha’s Vineyard they are sometimes called “pinkletinks”.  Once the ground thaws these little amphibians begin peeping at night, just to let all of us know that planting season is almost here. My dad used to spout the old wives-tale that after hearing the peepers’ song, there would be three more frosts before you could begin planting.

One of the least competitive men I have known, my dad loved to be the first to hear the peepers each year. But because our driveway abutted wetlands we almost always beat him to the first peep. I’d call, hold the phone up, and though separated by miles we’d celebrate the arrival of spring.

It became so newsworthy in our family that I began to mark the calendar when one of us heard the first sounds. In January, when I’d switch to a new calendar I would hardly note family birthday dates but I did keep track the peeper’s first peep. It was always in March.

One year while switching calendars I threw away the old one before I made note of all the peeper dates. I cried and never told my dad I had accidentally trashed the family’s fifteen year peeper record.

My dad has been gone almost ten years now, but every year I get a call from my daughters, or I make one, when pop’s peepers first begin to sing. It not only reminds us that spring is indeed upon us and warm weather follows but it’s a tribute to my father, the gardener, who gently lived by the sounds and sights of nature like the farmer he had always wanted to be.

This year our family will be particularly attentive when the ground begins to thaw, and the trees begin to tip with buds, because the cold has been so intense and relentless. I can’t help but think of the little frozen frogs held captive underground in the nard-packed wetlands. They are just waiting for the ground to soften so they can scrim out of the mud and make a racket about spring. When they do, I hope to make the first call to my daughters and tell them that pop’s peepers are shouting and spring is finally here.

           

Karma Rules

         

Published March 02. 2015 4:00AM

 

More than a few years back my husband and I were watching a news report about an armored car door swinging open while speeding down the interstate. Cash was cascading out the back, spilling tens of thousands of dollars onto the highway. Drivers were stopping, grabbing handfuls of money and racing off. Very little was recovered. So I asked my husband, "If a bundle of hundreds landed near your car, would you stop and grab it?"

"No," he said.

"Suppose a few hundreds stuck to your windshield? When you cleared the glass would you take the money?"

"No".

"Let's imagine $20 from the truck flies in your window landing on the seat next to you. No one saw it. You're car's on empty, and so is your wallet, your cupboards are bare, the fridge is empty, you're out of dog food and your pup is hungry. Would you keep the $20?"

"No".

"Why?"

"Because the money doesn't belong to me," he said.

My husband is better than me. I probably would have kept the $20, pumped a few gallons and shared a burger with my dog.

Recently I received a check in the mail that was double the amount owed to me. For an instant I considered depositing it. But I thought otherwise. Not because I'm a decent person like my husband and not because I knew they'd eventually figure out their mistake and I'd have to pay it back. Age and experience has taught me the importance of seriously considering the ethical consequences, (which once permeated my 20s like patchouli and pot-smoke), of the behavioral and belief system based on Karma. I truly believe ill-gotten and unearned gains eventually become a windfall clouded by negativity.

About a month ago in Rochester, N.H., a woman returned over $2,500 which had been handed to her in a Burger King bag. She discovered the money on her way home from the restaurant. Though she considered keeping the money, it was religious ethics, (she's a Jehovah's Witness), which swayed her to return the restaurant deposit.

Taxi drivers in Las Vegas have returned, numerous times, hundreds of thousands of dollars left in their vehicles by winners. One driver in Newark, N.J. turned in a Stradivarius violin. His reward, a concert for 100 fellow drivers by the musician who misplaced the instrument which was worth $4 million.

In New York City, a young medical student/taxi driver drove 50 miles out onto Long Island to return over $21,000 in cash, and jewelry worth thousands more, to an elderly woman from Italy who left her handbag in his cab. The driver, from Bangladesh, did not accept a reward because he said his mother was his inspiration. She taught him to be honest and work hard.

In New Paltz, N.Y., three roommates bought a couch for $20 at a thrift center. It didn't take long for the kids to discover that the lumpy couch contained bubble wrapped bundles of cash, $40,000 in all. It was an old woman's entire life savings, stashed in the couch by her husband. Because the woman often slept on the couch her children donated it and bought her a new bed. Though the college students, and recent graduate, certainly could have used the money, their thinking mirrored my husband's almost exactly, "… it's their money, we didn't earn it."

So I asked myself, would I have kept any of that found-money even if I knew, no one would know? Actually I would not. I'd give it all back, and not because of religious beliefs or parental teachings, I'd return it because someone else's loss is too high a price to pay for my prosperity. But, would I accept a reward? Hell yes. I'd fill my tank and feed my dog steak. Enough said.

January means a new start

Published January 21. 2015 4:00AM

 

Because this past holiday season was the first celebrated by our granddaughter, and the first for all of us celebrating it with her, I am thinking a lot about the firsts of life. Like first day of school, first car, job, first home and heartbreak.

 

My first school, on Pearl Street in Norwich, was a huge imposing building to me when I was little. I drove by about 20 years ago, (it was a Head Start Center then, I think), and I was amazed by how small and bleak it looked. My first teacher, Mrs. Homes, was exactly like Miss Shields, Ralphie's teacher, in the holiday classic "The Christmas Story." (Which our family has always actually called the BB Gun Story).

 

My first bike was a blue Schwinn and my first car was a 'hot' red '65 Plymouth Barracuda I used to street race. I always won. That was back when I was blond and stupid. I'm not blond anymore.

My very first boyfriend was named Barry. We were in third-grade together in Soprano-country, Elizabeth, N.J. My first real boyfriend was a less-than-perfect compulsive liar named Ray. And I know he was a compulsive liar because, at the time, I worked for an insurance company and peeked in his file. It contained doctor's recommendations. That wasn't why I broke up with him. He was also a jerk.

 

My first husband, (and first true love), is still my husband. He's not a liar or a jerk. He's a nice, hard-working guy, as honest as the day is long. I'm not quite sure what that cliché' means but it does apply to the man I eloped with three and a half decades ago.

 

When I applied for and got my first job I was excited but also felt like a failure. I had to go to work because I flunked my first semester at college. Working in the men's haberdashery department of a discount department store was not what I considered my dream-career choice, but it did get me the money I needed for a first, second chance, at a second semester of As and Bs.

 

Our first baby, now has a first baby of her own. Having a grandchild is the pudding on top of the frosting, on top of the cake. As the first grandchild she's the one showered with all the extra affection and attention we didn't have time to lavish when in the midst of raising her mother and her aunt.

Apart from the happy firsts there are the difficult ones too, the one's which break your will and your heart. The first hospital stay, death in the family and first passing of someone younger than yourself. The first time you don't get your dream job, or lose it, get laid off from it or fired from it. The first time the partner of your dreams doesn't show up or doesn't call.

 

The first time you look mortality in the eye, you realize that when first and final are in the same sentence, there is an end to all of this. Maybe, just maybe when that happens, it's the first time you get a second, or a third chance, to get the rest of your life right.

 

January creates a new first for each of us every year. Resolutions be damned, we get to reinvent who we are every time the ball falls. But wait, as they say in the 'as seen on TV ads', there's more. Every single month thereafter provides us with a new first, a new day one, a new start. Like we said in the '60s, "today is the first day of the rest of your life." If ever a cliché gives our paths meaning, that one does. Enough said.

 

YOU CAN REACH CAROLYNN, PURVEYOR OF LOST RESOLUTIONS, AT CP.ENOUGHSAID@AOL.COM

Stressed and depressed for New Years

         

Published January 01. 2015 4:00AM

Updated January 02. 2015 11:54AM

 

 

There's something about this time of year I find very stressing and it has nothing to do with the fear of maxing out my credit card. It has, at times, even had me demoralized, depressed and begging for my bed. No, it's not that it's dark by 4 p.m. It's the tradition of celebrating out with the old and in with the new when I'd rather be asleep. It's New Year's Eve Parties, the bane of the fuddy-duddy.

We had a New Year's Eve party once, about 30 years ago. It was before children, before DUI checkpoints, before Dick Clark got old and passed away still looking young. I miss Dick Clark Rockin' in the New Year, like I missed Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians when I was a kid and my parents were 10 years younger than I am now.

The problem with New Year's Eve parties when you are older, is that they start late and last long. You don't eat dinner until almost ten and if the champagne doesn't knock you out then the heartburn will. I can stay up beyond midnight easily, if I don't switch to decaf at noon, but my husband, he barely makes the last segment of MASH on ME TV which ends at 8.

The one year I remember best is the millennium flip. Some folks were convinced that 1999, as it slid into 2000, was going to upend every electronic device with a clock in it and usher in the end of the world as we know it. Computers were going to go haywire, experts said, crashing in a maelstrom of lost data. I was kind of hoping for that part - especially where banks were involved - mortgage, what mortgage? I don't think I have a mortgage with you guys, prove it.

Folks were hoarding food, gold and toilet paper. Some even fled to the wilds of the back woods to hide out from the chaos of the Millennium-Armageddon they believed the yearend would cause. Somehow, building latrines, chopping wood and beating your dirty laundry against rocks on the shore of an icy river does not sound like a New Year's Eve party I'd want to attend. Although roasting marshmallows over a campfire while the ball falls sounded like fun.

 

I watched most of the world's celebrations that year on TV. All day long they played and replayed the festivities from one side of the globe to the other. I remember thinking how amazing it was that we were able to watch yesterday's festivities half a world away today, and that over there it was already tomorrow. And this was before Facebook, where we can share tomorrow, what happened yesterday, today.

 

One year in particular was monumental to us. As the end of 1986 approached my husband and I were at an impasse. We had an important decision to make and we weren't sure if we should leave it to the almighty, or speed things along. Our second daughter was due and my obstetrician told us that he could schedule a C-section or induce labor, depending on which year's taxes we wanted to claim our newest deduction. We decided on letting nature take its course. Rachel was born on Jan. 2.

This year I think we'll be sticking close to home, although we've been saying that since we didn't need a babysitter. If a last minute invitation comes in I'm telling my husband he can decide whether we go or not -he's the one that can't stay awake. Maybe this year we'll just let nature take its course. Enough said.

CAROLYNN IS ALWAYS THE DESIGNATED DRIVER WHILE HER HUSBAND SNOOZES. YOU CAN REACH HER AT CP.ENOUGHSAID@AOL.COM

Christmas past, fiascos, foibles and fun

published Dec. 25, 2014

The first year our oldest daughter understood the concept of Santa, I tagged every one of her gifts from him. He did, after all climb down our chimney, avoid the woodstove, (no fire that night), and place all the gifts under the tree. After our daughter opened all her presents she asked why WE didn’t get her anything for Christmas. I don’t remember what I answered but it took me until the fourth of July to pay off the credit card bill.

One year we purchased a beautiful handmade Victorian dollhouse for the girls. We stored the house, next door, at my mother-in-laws. After our Christmas Eve party, when the kids were all snug in their beds, we carried the doll house across the yard and driveway to our house. On the way my husband dropped his end. We’ve never had to assemble bikes or other toys late on Christmas Eve, never had to make a last minute dash for something critical. But that night, though my husband said he’d fix the doll house, elves named Makita, Black & Decker and Dewalt were not near as helpful as my little make-up kit tweezers and a bottle of Elmer’s School Glue. I was not only sticking shingles back on the roof at 2am, I was reattaching the entire roof and interior walls.

Then there was the year I got the brilliant idea to wrap one daughter’s presents in red wrapping paper and the other daughter’s gifts in green. This eliminated having to write dozens of ‘to and from’ gift tags and did away with the whole ‘from Santa’ dilemma. Problem was that just before dawn on Christmas morning, and prior to my first cup of coffee, I forgot who was red and who was green. Add to that, that I had run out of my ‘clever’ paper, and had to throw in a few random Santa and snowmen designs, I was in trouble. I opened one of the gifts, could not remember who the gift was for, so I guessed. We were about six gifts in before I figured out the assigned colors. I had to explain that Santa got confused, forgot the tags and they could trade gifts if they wanted to. They kept what they had already opened and scrambled under the tree to gather their own color.

Then there was the year we bought a sixteen foot Christmas tree for the foyer. We could barely get it in the front door. Like the Griswold’s tree in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, once we cut the strings, it was “stand back everyone,” as the branches sprung. (No squirrels though.) We had to decorate the top of the tree from the upstairs hallway.  

Shortly after we were married, the year of the Gypsy Moth Infestation had us with half a Christmas tree. We called it our ‘wall tree’ because the back half was eaten away and fit perfectly flat against the living room wall. Excellent for our small apartment and it was free.

One Christmas our stove died. We used a neighbors. Thank God she wasn’t cooking for an army like we were. Then there was the year my husband had to pick his father up from a hospital, an hour away, to bring him home for the day. It was 12 degrees below zero outside and I left the car low on gas. No stations were open because of the holiday. They arrived home on fumes, the few left in the tank, and the many exhibited by my husband’s demeanor.

This year the gas tank is full, no big tree, no color coded gifts, no bug infested half-balsam and no every-gift is from Santa. This year it is modest envelopes for the big kids and way-too-many unbreakable, multi-colored wrapped boxes for the baby. If something gets broken, who cares, she’ll probably play with the paper and boxes more than the toys anyway. Enough said.

 

 

 

To retire or not to retire: I think I'll stay at work instead

 

When I was a kid I walked ten miles to school in sub-zero temperatures, in knee deep snow and a dress. That’s actually not true but it sounds good, like something my grandmother might have said, except that her school would have had one room with a privy out back. We were privileged, we had big yellow buses that had heaters and radios. The heaters never worked but the radios blasted Beatle’s tunes.

School didn’t start until after Labor Day back then. Up until Columbus Day I liked school, did my homework and studied for quizzes. I even liked my teachers. By Halloween I was done. Homework became that thing I forgot to do the night before, studying was an evil time-eater and my teachers…the only ones I liked were Mr. Zlucky, Zerby and Smith. Sounds like a law firm for Politians gone astray.
 

At this point in my life, as an employed member of society, I have reached my Columbus Day, I’ve flown past Halloween, which means I’m done. Done with working, being employed, dealing with time clocks, packed lunches and public restrooms; I want to retire. But like school back then, I can’t quit. I had to go to school, I have to go to work.

I’m not only stuck between a rock and an economic hard-place, I’m stuck between what I want to do, have to do, and do what’s best for me, both physically and mentally. Economically, until we downsize, (next spring I swear), I have to work for home heating oil, electricity and a place big enough for a full size Christmas tree. Physically my job provides the daily exercise I need to stay heathy, and mentally the interaction with all the Zlucky’s, Zerby’s and Smiths of the world keep me sharp. 

Punching a time-clock provides me with the structure I need or I’d sleep until The View, although it’s not the same since Barbara left. Now there’s an example of someone who kept working past retirement age, whatever age that is. Barbara Walters is eighty-five. I’m certainly not that old, and if I make it that far, I hope I have been retired for a long time.

My mother-in-law, proof that angels walk this earth, retired from full-time work in the insurance industry, to part-time, at 80. She finally retired to help out at church, read the newspaper every day and walk her mean little dog. She’d get up at 3 am every morning and go to bed right after Oprah and the five o’clock local news. Without structure her days and nights almost flip-flopped. When she passed away at ninety-three, she was sharp right up until shortly before she made it to that big actuarial table in the sky.
 

My father was forced into retirement because of health. He dealt with a serious condition, got well, and was vigorous and enjoyed more than twenty-five years at home with my mother who hated retirement. She needed to assign purpose to her days, and unlike my father, planning and preparing dinner wasn’t enough.

When I retire I don’t want to lay around all day and do nothing, I do that now on my days off. I’d like to simply slow down. I think the rat race could do with one less rat. I’d like to write more, spend more time with my granddaughter and I’d like to take the time to, as we used to say in the sixties, smell the roses, before they’ve gone by.

Yup, I’ll retire someday. Probably when hell freezes over which means I’ll have to walk there in knee deep snow but I won’t be wearing a dress. I’ll have on my skinny jeans and Uggs. Enough said.